Not a Christmas you dream about...

This really wasn't a Christmas that you dream about. I'm on crutches and in an immense amount of pain.  We didn't have a church service to go to (even if I could've hobbled in there). I forgot a TON of things for our appetizer feast. The valley of the shadow of parenting a teen girl is a bit dark and scary these days. Then I couldn't even make it through to Christmas dinner.  In the middle of our family celebration, the pain brought me to tears, and John had to take me home to go to bed and elevate my leg.  

It has me thinking.  Do you think Mary enjoyed the stable? I mean I know what the pictures convey.  I know she's all dewy and glowing cuz she just brought God's Son into this world.  But do you REALLY think she enjoyed giving birth in animal filth? I bet she didn't.  But I also bet it didn't matter if she was thrilled about the way it turned out.... GOD STILL HAD HIS WAY. 

Lately God's been doing a lot of things in a way that is just NOT pleasing to me... not my favorite.... not the way I would've planned it if I were the author.... but here's what I've been seeing... GOD STILL HAS HIS WAY... and I guess I'm starting to get it through my thick skull that I'm NOT the author. 

Regardless of how not storybook this Christmas was.... I'm trusting that HIS way is better. Just like I imagine Mary did on that very first Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone. 

Christmas on Crutches

I'm currently doing three different Christmas reading plans on my Bible app. I'm just trying hard not to miss the joy this Christmas season because of all the NOT merry stuff on my plate right now.

*Army graduations are so stressful but this one was even more so because the unit Elijah was in literally communicated not 1 word about the in-person graduation to the parents.

*a car crash the day before we left put so many wrinkles into our trip and extended our driving time.... as we had to go to Georgia and take Noah to his new base.

*my work is just so busy. I've been working overtime for at least 6 months.

*and my surgery is very close on the horizon---just 9 days away now

*2 soldiers arriving at the airport on 2 different days (one of them I have to miss because I'll still be in the hospital.)

*then two whirlwind weeks full of celebrations and family and the Kastner6 together.

I just KNOW that I'm going to get to January 5th and think, "Wow! That was a blink of a eye!" It already feels like it went fast, and it hasn't even all the way started.

As I FLY, full-speed down this hill, there are a few things I'm doing to try to make sure I don't miss everything....  

1. The most important one Get. In. The. Word. Every single day...  Multiple different reading plans. Worship songs while I exercise. Quiet minutes of listening for His voice even when I feel like I can't slow down. I'm tying to center my heart on my Savior's birth to help me remember the Reason for the Season.

2.  Count it all joy. I'm really truly TRYING to count it all joy. My work being so busy made Elijah's time in basic seem exponentially shorter.  Elijah's unit being so disorganized meant they didn't even look at our registration for our car which was last year's not this year's. All this insanity and having to pump the brakes to just even experience any of it is giving me very little time to stress out about this knee surgery. This fast pace which I'm fighting so hard is actually what's making it like "oh my gosh it's already only 10  days until I see Elijah again!" So I'm trying to embrace the suck because the suck is actually beneficial for me.

3. Connect with my people.  Even though I'm stressed and busier than a one- armed wallpaper hanger I'm trying to be intentional about connecting with people. It is so helpful to my mental health and it us why I do all this craziness.... my people.

 Whatever kind of Christmas season you're having, chill - crazy - lonely - mournful,  you can still be purposeful and celebrate Christmas. My prayer is that today you'll find just one way to do that.

When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Matthew 2:10‭-‬11

Mountaintops

I just read in my devotions that when you are looking at others,  behind every spotlight moment there are struggles you missed. That resonated in my soul. The past week on Facebook I shared GOBS of pictures of mountaintop experiences. Because I believe in raw honesty I also shared some of the struggles as well. But here's the brutal truth of it:

*we drove roughly 40 hours

*we jumped through hoop after hoop (COVID vaccines, COVID tests, last minute screenshots of recent vehicle registrations)

*we never got ANY information from the battalion about graduation other than the start time for the live stream event

*my knee has completely given up the ghost and I hobbled everywhere I went. A lot of the time using a crutch to help me walk

*the a/c was broken in our hotel room

*it was a VERY long walk from the elevator to the lobby and our room (exponentially longer for a person with an ugly knee) 

*we couldn't take Elijah off base... not once. We spent roughly 12 hours sitting at a picnic table in the on-base park

*we spent A LOT of money

*we got VERY little sleep

We endured all of that for just 20 hours with our soldier... [and the list doesn't even count the struggles Elijah went through in basic (little contact with family,  no sugar, lost sleep, being hollered at, push ups on top of push ups) a lot of sacrifice!] That's a lot of struggle for a mountaintop experience, but I would do it all over again just for those moments.... when we first found him.... when he squeezed the life outta me with that first hug.... our whole big loud family there to support him. 

The entire point of this blog is that I want to remember that nothing good comes easy.  That every beautiful moment captured on Facebook came after a TON of hard work. That the glamor and shine of graduations come AFTER a butt ton of hardship and struggle. 

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.

2 Chronicles 15:7 

Cinnamon Rolls

This isn't a recipe.... I'm taking my cue from my brown-skinned momma... she doesn't share her cinnamon roll secrets...  I'm not sharing mine either... BUT when I give you a pan of cinnamon rolls... here are the baking instructions:

Take them out of the fridge the second you get up in the a.m.... the closer they are to room temperature before they pop in the oven, the better.

Preheat the oven to 375. (I always leave my pan of rolls on the stovetop while the oven preheats to jump start the warming up process.)

Bake them for 17 minutes (this is how long they take in my oven... watch them... you dont want the dough to cross over into turning brown... then you've gone TOO FAR... remove them from the oven IMMEDIATELY... but don't worry they'll still be delish.)

Snip the corner off the ziploc baggie of icing I gave you, and frost it up! Again don't let common sense be your guide! Use as much as your heart feels is right.

I love you!

the gold...

I was JUST thinking yesterday about how really truly HARD "the old days" were.... 

we were BROKE... I had 4 children... I worked full-time from home.... this particular status.... we were down to one car for a season.... John needed it for work.... so either the kids and I stayed home or we walked... 

on this specific date in time I walked four  children [N - 9, J - 7, E - 5, H - 2 (almost 3)] from 66th and Drexel to the MS for soccer.... pushed a stroller down the side of Drexel... somehow keeping all three boys from darting into traffic... at the tine it seemed large and hard but I just did it.... now I wonder HOW DID I DO THAT??? It seems impossible! 

But here's the best part.... here's the nugget of gold:

When I look back on this now... it is with fondness... those four sweet little faces... their tiny arms around my neck... the toughness of it all... the fear... the "will we make it" (financially and just to the soccer field) all of that tough stuff just fades to gray and the vibrant part... the gold... that is what remains... 

how blessed I was to (as everyone at the grocery store CONSTANTLY reminded me) "have my hands so full" 

Hang on today! Whatever you're going through... one day the gray of it WILL fade away... I promise.

#goodolddays #turnbacktime #timeisapunk #nuggetofgold