In the fire

I'm walking through some tough stuff on many different fronts of my life. Hated and reviled... thwarted and resisted... worn and labored... and don't even get me STARTED on this fall's allergy season!

Yesterday, I kept finding my heart screaming,  "Why?!?!" Why do I have to walk through this fire? "What?!?!" What are you trying to forge through these flames? "How long?!?!" How long will this inferno rage on?

This morning as I sat quietly with my faithful cup and my more faithful God, He whispered to me. It's all about our relationship. Get your eyes off the fire, Jami. Focus on Me. Get that smoke out of your nostrils. Breathe in My peace.  Don't give any more power to this pain by dwelling on it. Give me EVERYTHING, and let Me be powerful in it ALL.

My situations aren't any better this morning.... but my heart is. I'm gonna hunker down in the safety of my God's arms and let Him wage the wars that need to be won.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43:2 

The darkness

Do you ever just stop... and look around... and wonder.... what is this landscape? This darkness all around me? Whose life is this? Why doesn't it match the dreams I had in my head? 

That dissonance.... that discrepancy.... this perfectionist's very SOUL screams out for HARMONY! CONTINUITY! PEACE.... between the dreams I held for myself and this thing called life. 

I'm a bit densely constructed... it takes just a smidge to get through to me... but I'm starting to see... that dissonace...  it's actually poignant.... I'm not meant to love this life. I'm not meant to fit in this scene. These unfulfilled dreams... these disappointments... the life that just doesn't match what I'd imagined... they serve a real and righteous purpose.

They point me to God. They make me long for my heavenly home. They force me to THROW myself at His feet screaming, "God I can't do this alone!!!"

So weary traveler take heart... that paltry bank account... those lonely nights... that tragically MESSED UP situation you can hardly make heads or tails of.... it's serving a purpose. Lean into it. Let it show you how big your God is. Let it take you to His feet. Let it exponentially surge your desire to be with Him... right now in prayer and forevermore in Heaven. Don't fear that darkness.... let it lead you to His light. 

There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

Revelation 22:5